The fear that our partner will find someone 'better' than us
My advice in these situations is always to give your partner some rope and see if they to meet someone and be attracted to that person and perhaps think, what would I'm sure others will proffer other explanations as well. I'm scared my boyfriend will find somebody better and leave me. What should I . If you are with him a lot just make sure he doesn't stare at other girls. If he does. But I also worry that I'm m getting in over my head. Can I 'temporarily' break up with my boyfriend to test other waters, but still Most people seem to think that having a crush while dating someone else is a sign that the relationship is If you can't see yourself having a future with him, this crush maybe a.
So assuming this is all true, it's possible that by breaking up with this guy and finding a new guy you won't feel this way in your next relationship. But from the limited amount I know about insecure attachment, this pattern will probably continue repeating itself until you somehow change your attachment style, which is fully possible.
It often happens to people. Good experiences can change it, as can bad experiences. I would imagine higher self-esteem could also change it. Your boyfriend might not be reassuring enough for you. Have you talked to him about your fears that he's gonna go run off with someone else?
He might be able to tell you that he has no intention of doing that, and if he can't you're better off without him anyway. In fact his attachment style might be dismissive, meaning he doesn't feel comfortable being very close to you, and showing affection.
I think I've read that a relationship between a dismissive and a preoccupied is often the most tumultuous, with tons of breaking up and getting back together.
If you're preoccupied you're probably best with someone who is securely attached. However I don't know enough about your boyfriend to say he's actually dismissive, he might be securely attached but since you're preoccupied you don't think he gives you enough affection or love, because people with preoccupied attachment need lots. So just talk to your boyfriend.
Why Feeling Fear In A Relationship Will Help You Love More - mindbodygreen
If he acts like a jerk about your fears you're better off without him. Also perhaps pursue therapy. Your boyfriend doesn't do enough of the things that would make you feel secure and valued.
Maybe it's because those things happen to be hard for him; or maybe it's because he doesn't realise you would like those things; or maybe he's just lazy and doesn't care enough to bother. So, you need to talk it through with him; maybe you could find out what you do that makes him feel secure and valued, what it is that he appreciates about you, what it is that he feels he could do to put a bit more into the relationship Maybe, though, he just isn't very attentive or affectionate, and that isn't going to change.
Maybe he's just not all that into you. In that case, all you can do is decide whether you want to put up with it, or go find someone else who can give you what you want. This situation makes you feel insecure, scared, and all kinds of bad. It sounds like you have particular poor self-confidence.
What stops you from being the kind of person who says: If he does I'll be better off without such a twit, and the sooner I can enjoy my life unencumbered or else find someone who treats me better than that". If you want to be stronger in the face of this kind of problem, you could try and identify why the situation scares you so much, and work on being the kind of confident person who would be ANGRY if they were dumped for their friend, not scared. If your current or future boyfriend or husband leaves you for a friend, it won't be for something you did unless you were abusiveit will be either because your husband wasn't really committed anyway, or because he fell madly in love with someone else and guess what?
Go with the flow and don't try to control things. Crappy things happen and awesome things happen. Make sure you are grounded in your confidence and in who you are, and don't worry about things that haven't happened.
Just work on being the kind of person who is fine regardless of the hurricane around them.
Sometimes relationships work, sometimes they don't. It's not a judgment of you or your worth as a person, it's just that what happens happens. It's good to recognize your fears, but then let them go. However, this stuff about maybe he'd like your friend better is just crazy.
5 Reasons Why Loving Someone Is Hard When You Have Anxiety
You're just making shit up in your brain. My advice would be to make whatever changes it takes to not feel that way anymore. It influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. Different attachment styles can lead us to experience different levels of relationship anxiety. You can learn more about what your attachment style is and how it impacts your romantic relationships here. What Thoughts Perpetuate Relationship Anxiety?
The specific critical inner voices we have about ourselves, our partner and relationships are formed out of early attitudes we were exposed to in our family or in society at large.
Sexual stereotypes as well as attitudes that our influential caretakers had toward themselves and others can infiltrate our point of view and shade our current perceptions.
Critical Inner Voices about the Relationship People just wind up getting hurt. Relationships never work out. Men are so insensitive, unreliable, selfish. Women are so fragile, needy, indirect. He only cares about being with his friends. Why get so excited? She is too good for you. As soon as she gets to know you, she will reject you.
As we shed light into our past, we quickly realize there are many early influences that have shaped our attachment pattern, our psychological defenses and our critical inner voice. All of these factors contribute to our relationship anxiety and can lead us to sabotage our love lives in many ways. Listening to our inner critic and giving in to this anxiety can result in the following actions: Cling — When we feel anxious, our tendency may be to act desperate toward our partner.
We may stop feeling like the independent, strong people we were when we entered the relationship. As a result, we may find ourselves falling apart easily, acting jealous or insecure or no longer engaging in independent activities.
Control — When we feel threatened, we may attempt to dominate or control our partner. This behavior can alienate our partner and breed resentment. Reject — If we feel worried about our relationship, one defense we may turn to is aloofness.
- The fear that our partner will find someone 'better' than us
We may become cold or rejecting to protect ourselves or to beat our partner to the punch. These actions can be subtle or overt, yet it is almost always a sure way to force distance or to stir up insecurity in our partner.
Withhold — Sometimes, as opposed to explicit rejection, we tend to withhold from our partner when we feel anxious or afraid. Perhaps things have gotten close, and we feel stirred up, so we retreat. We hold back little affections or give up on some aspect of our relationship altogether. Withholding may seem like a passive act, but it is one of the quietest killers of passion and attraction in a relationship.
Punish — Sometimes, our response to our anxiety is more aggressive, and we actually punish, taking our feelings out on our partner. We may yell and scream or give our partner the cold shoulder. In this state of fantasy, we focus on form over substance. We may stay in the relationship to feel secure but give up on the vital parts of relating. In a fantasy bond, we often engage in many of the destructive behaviors mentioned above as a means to create distance and defend ourselves against the anxiety that naturally comes with feeling free and in love.
Learn more about the fantasy bond here. In order to overcome, relationship anxiety, we must shift our focus inward. What critical inner voices are exacerbating our fears? What defenses do we possess that could be creating distance? This process of self-discovery can be a vital step in understanding the feelings that drive our behavior, and ultimately, shape our relationship. By looking into our past, we can gain better insight into where these feelings come from.