Here's a situation that may sound familiar to you (it was certainly a recurring theme for me in my single life!) You meet someone, something clicks, and suddenly. Please, I told her, I am not going to meet a nice guy in a New York City bar. That being said, here are three place to meet nice guys if you do it right. Believe me, we're all too familiar with the cold shoulder that women. Why telling someone who's happily single that they "just need to meet the right guy" is condescending, close-minded, and downright rude.
Infatuation Being infatuated sounds like a grand, romantic thing, but it can actually be quite dangerous. Infatuation causes you to fall in love with an image rather than an actual person.
It causes you to put someone on a pedestal and overlook his flaws. You rely on his approval so desperately that you also become a bit needy. You lose your sense of worth because it becomes so wrapped up in how he feels about you.
Healthy Relationships Build Slowly Healthy relationships usually begin with mutual interest and attraction that grows over time. This is the complete opposite of unhealthy relationships, which usually start out with a grand light show that quickly simmers into ash. If you can internalize this, it will change the way you date forever.
The most important trait to develop is objectivity. Your heart can lead you into all kinds of bad places. Your heart convinces you that the heart wants what the heart wants and who are you to deny your heart?
It makes you do things that you later look back on and wonder, what was I thinking?
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It does have its benefits, but that comes later. The best way to do this is to try to go slowly. Ease into the relationship instead of diving in head first. This will create an environment for you to allow your level of interest and attraction to grow steadily over time, rather than flooding you all at once in a big emotional tsunami.
If you spend all your time with him, you risk overlooking critical information about who he really is and if the relationship is built to last.
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It is imperative to have a foundation of compatibility, shared goals and interests, and common values. Before you emotionally invest, it is wise to determine if you are fundamentally compatible.
And the best way to do this is to go slowly. When you first meet someone, you want to spend every minute of every day with him.
Either way you have to date smart. If you just met or just started seeing someone, I strongly advise that you try to limit how much time you spend with him early on. Try to not go on more than two dates a week or engage in marathon texting sessions that go all day.
So many girls make the mistake of getting caught up in how the guy feels about them rather than focusing on how they feel about him.
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You can avoid falling into this trap by doing regular reality checks. Make sure you see him and the situation clearly. The best way to do this is to make sure you can recognize his flaws. Why It Matters When you get in over your head, you may convince yourself that something like him wanting to live only in the country and you wanting to live only in the city is not such a big deal. In every one of these situations, the couple believed that things would magically just work out.
Imagine how much time and effort they would have saved and heartbreak they would have avoided had they been dating with their heads instead of their hearts from the beginning. The common thread in most of these cases is that these women are choosing men who clearly are not husband—or even relationship—material and hoping that by some chance the men will suddenly transform into the knights in shining armor they want.
Trust me, I know all too well how enticing those damage cases can be. The problem with these damage cases is that they often have a lot of the qualities we want, but not the ones we actually need. That was clear to me and everyone around me very early into our relationship. Doing so made all the difference. Suddenly the damage cases who were once oh so appealing did nothing for me.
He loves your good qualities and accepts and embraces the bad without making you feel guilty for having flaws. You can share your true self and be vulnerable and feel safe doing so, knowing that if anything it will make him feel even closer to you.
A partnership will sometimes require sacrifice and compromise. Life is unpredictable and unexpected. A guy who is husband material will be there for you when you need him. He will be in it with you; he will be your partner in whatever happens and will weather the storm with you, even though he might prefer to stay in the sunshine. He considers you when making decisions, both big and small. A relationship is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Factoring you in shows that he respects you and that he wants to create a life with you, not simply envelope you in his world.
He is growth oriented. No one is perfect; we all have flaws. In a relationship, his behavior affects you and vice versa and sometimes his less developed traits will have a negative impact on you. A growth-oriented guy will want to work to strengthen his character.
As long as I work online, I can kind of do whatever I want. You just need to meet the right guy. I used to lie in bed and imagine my life as a teacher. But by the time I got to junior high, things had started to shift. I was reading more advanced material, so my world had opened up a lot. I started to learn a lot more about geography.
I started talking to my mum about all of her travels before she had kids. At that point I had no idea that I could actually combine my love of writing with travelling and make a living, but by high school I knew my two passions, travelling and literature, would most likely shape what I did with my life.
By the time I was 16, I was reading tons of feminist literature, and proudly called myself a feminist. Throughout my twenties, I had a few serious relationships. In only one of them did we ever seriously discuss getting married and having children, but when I found out he was buying a ring, I panicked. I remember him saying that we could move to a small town in New Zealand, get married, raise babies, and I could find a job as a teacher to be fair, I was teaching English at that point.How To Choose A Partner Wisely
So here I was — mid-twenties, on the brink of being engaged, with only a few of my travel dreams realised — and I knew I had to get out.
It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. I do want the love of my family. I do want a house filled with books. I do want to travel the world some more. I do want to surround myself with wonderful friends. I do want a dog oh my god, I want a dog so badly.
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I am incredibly happy with my decisions. Does life as you know it halt as soon as you get hitched?
The story stops when they get together at the end by the way, for a fantastic read about the state of romantic comedies today, check out this Vulture article. As soon as any of these women got married, their stories were over. As she says about Jane: Her prize, readers, after a youth of fighting for some smidgen of autonomy? I would officially be called a thornback.
Despite that, it also emboldens you, because it tells the stories of some pretty badass single ladies happily single ladies. And before you paint me as some cackling, man-hating, Hansel-and-Gretal-esque child-eating crone correction: I think marriage is a beautiful thing.