Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
Sep 26, Ben's daughter, Lisa, has borderline personality disorder. Lisa's relationship with her father is actually one of the healthier ones she has. Nov 18, Borderline personal disorder (BPD) relationships are often chaotic, If you are considering starting a relationship with someone with BPD. Oct 15, Borderline personality disorder (BPD) can take a real toll on a marriage or their relationship might end, women with BPD experienced a lower.
Tips for Couples Living With Borderline Personality Disorder | Everyday Health
Although each person has their own unique experience, these are some common thought patterns people with BPD tend to have: I must be loved by all the important people in my life at all times or else I am worthless.
Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them, so I always lose everyone I care about—despite the desperate things I try to do to stop them from leaving me. If someone treats me badly, then I become bad. When I am alone, I become nobody and nothing. These thoughts may be completely at odds with your own perception of your partner, but it is imperative to understand that for them, they are very real, and can drive them toward extreme and seemingly irrational behavior.
Navigating through this emotional minefield can be difficult and painful for both of you, but knowing that their thoughts and behaviors are the product of intensely powerful perceptional distortions deeply rooted in their mental health disorder, rather than a reflection of your own shortcomings, can bring some comfort.
For Thomas, educating himself about BPD helped him move from self-blame to empathy and compassion: There are a lot of nuances, complexities, and lines to be read through with BPD, but mostly I see Borderline Personality Disorder as an illness about pain, fear, and struggling to cope with all of that.
But the common conception is just [that they are] crazy, which is an extraordinarily damaging misconception to those who suffer from it. For relationships to have a chance of succeeding, this is a critical piece: Call for a Free Confidential Assessment. In part, this is spurred by the myth that BPD is untreatable, a false but prevalent belief that can too often remove hope.
In reality, with the right treatment, many people with BPD can learn to manage their symptomsand a substantial number achieve remission to the point where they no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for the illness. By integrating specialized BPD therapies like Dialectical Behavior Therapy with other evidence-based clinical and holistic therapies within the context of a comprehensive treatment plan, it is possible to disrupt the emotional and behavioral instability of BPD and establish inner tranquility.
What You Need to Know When Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
Along with individual and group therapies, couples therapy is often an integral part of healing from BPD, as individuals and as a team. With the guidance of an experienced therapist who understands the unique challenges presented by BPD, you can create strategies for supporting your partner and yourself while nurturing and fortifying your relationship. Because their emotion is all there, and acting that way is all they know, and then when you show them an easier way to be, and to act, they see how much easier life can be.
Contact us for more information about our renowned program and how we can help you or your loved one start the journey toward healing. They fluctuate dramatically between idealizing and devaluing you and may suddenly and sporadically shift throughout the day.9 Tips on How to Recognize Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
You never know what or whom to expect. They can be vindictive and punish you with words, silence, or other manipulations, which can be very destructive to your self-esteem. What you see is their norm. Their emotions, behavior, and unstable relationships, including work history, reflect a fragile, shame-based self-image.
This is often marked by sudden shifts, sometimes to the extent that they feel nonexistent. For them, trust is always an issue, often leading to distortions of reality and paranoia.
They may try to bait you into anger, then falsely accuse you of rejecting them, make you doubt reality and your sanity, or even brainwash you as emotional manipulation.
It is not unusual for them to cut off friends and relatives who they feel have betrayed them. They react to their profound fears of abandonment with needy and clingy behavior or anger and fury that reflect their own skewed reality and self-image. In a close relationship, they must walk a tightrope to balance the fear of being alone or of being too close. To do so, they try to control with commands or manipulation, including flattery and seduction.
Whereas narcissists enjoy being understood, too much understanding frightens the borderline. Generally, borderlines are codependent, and find another codependent to merge with and to help them. They seek someone to provide stability and balance their changeable emotions.
A codependent or narcissist who acts self-sufficient and controls his or her feelings can provide a perfect match.
The person with BPD may appear to be the underdog in the relationship, while his or her partner is the steady, needless and caretaking top dog. They each exercise control in different ways. The non-BPD may do it through caretaking. Passion and intense emotions are enlivening to the person without BPD, who finds being alone depressing or experiences healthy people as boring.
Codependents already have low self-esteem and poor boundaries, so they placate, accommodate, and apologize when attacked in order to maintain the emotional connection in the relationship.
Setting a boundary can sometimes snap them out of their delusional thinking. Calling their bluff also is helpful. Both strategies require that you build his or her self-esteem, learn to be assertive, and derive outside emotional support. Giving in to them and giving them control does not make them feel more safe, but the opposite.
See also my blog on manipulation. BPD affects women more than men and about two percent of the U. BPD usually is diagnosed in young adulthood when there has been a pattern of impulsivity and instability in relationships, self-image, and emotions.
They may use alcohol, food, or drugs or other addiction to try to self-medicate their pain, but it only exacerbates it. Like all personality disorders, BPD exists on a continuum, from mild to severe.